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Bonnie Klemm @ABondGirl2

What was the sex cult of Cthulhu?

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If you believe the rumours, the drug-fueled 1980’s were swarming with sex, drugs, rock and roll, and cults (sexual or otherwise.)

Historical Note: Tongue in cheek (mostly) Gary Gygax referred to the rich kids running around Lake Geneva, WI doing Special K and cocaine as the Cult of Cthulhu…this author contributes the origins of the fallacy of the “Sex Cult of the Cthulhu” to his remarks (under the assumption that the likelihood that an FBI agent would have that type of imagination is pretty slim, and also the well known fact that Gary was an expert at trolling the government, and winning.)

This excerpt is courtesy of the Cult of Cthulhu

sex cult of cthulhu What follows is a fictionalized version of events… Most of the names have been changed, but only to protect the innocent…Those responsible know who they are, there is no intended malice toward their families, therefore their names have also been obscured.

This is how it started…

In the beginning there was a man, who was in love with a girl…this girl was as young as Lolita and as pure as Snow White…Isn’t that always how the story starts? Although in modern times, a college man is considered a child, when this story took place, it was common for a man of that age to be married with children…It is with this historical perspective that we look back on the lives of Archer and Dominique and see an exquisitely demonic relationship, perpetrated through the perversion of what felt like pedophilia to a 13-year-old virgin, fueled by a decade of liquid Ketamine, cocaine, and unnatural lust.

Dominique (our Lolita) once commented on the ease with which she was seduced, you don’t say no to an invitation to a “tennis party” by a man whose family can afford to have a vet on staff at their stables. (Hence the availability of “copious amounts” of liquid Ketamine, a horse tranquilizer first popularized as a recreational drug in the 1970’s but not in widespread use as a date rape drug, for it’s amnesia causing and potentially paralyzing side effects, until the 1980’s. For those of us not old enough to remember, (or too poor or unattractive to ever be invited to experience as Robin Leech best described it, “The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”) it was the 80’s and tennis skirts were the “norm core” of the day for the “Equestrian Set” hence the term “tennis party” was loosely used as a shorthand for “stop by and party until you’re bored, buried, or burnt out…whichever comes first.”

In the beginning, the girl denied the man any attention…Indeed when he returned the next season to fetch her for the next party, he found the girl simply referred to him as “That One.” Archer unfortunately, having not made much of an impression on the 13 year old version of Dominique had to work to get her attention…At first she refused to attend the party, having already experienced one year and thinking that was enough for her…However, Archer got to her through her best friend William who asked, quite pointedly (we’re assuming he was directed to) why she didn’t want to attend…after all Archer wanted to see her…Dominique quite uncomfortably (perhaps the feeling stemmed from her unconscious…as we all know Special K does cause at least partial amnesia) replied, “Why would he want to see me?”

William, forever speechless at her innocence rolled his eyes at the girl and answered, “Don’t you remember? You guys talked for about an hour.”

Shaking her head dismissively, Dominique replied just as confused, “I talked to a lot of guys for an hour, I was there for like four days” (hence the cocaine portion of the potion.)

Exasperated—he blurted out, “Don’t you remember? How can you not remember?” Then finally a thought clicked within William’s brain…”He was the one—the two of you walked down and sat on G’s boat and we all had to come looking for you!”

“OH! THAT ONE!” Dominique exclaimed, finally figuring out the dullard William was referring to as her friend doubled over, fell to the floor, LITERALLY ROTFL…The only time Dominique had ever seen anyone do that IRL. Once he recovered (in about 15-20 minutes) William once again responded, shaking his head in disbelief, still chuckling, “Only you could have the wealthiest, best looking, most eligible bachelor on the face of the planet follow you around like a lost puppy dog…and not even notice.”

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